09 January 2011

Even the Small Victories Count

Do you consider Sunday to be the end of the week or the beginning? According to the calendar, it's the beginning. For me though, having gone to school for most of my life, I always thought of Sunday as the end of the week. I had a fixed schedule in my head, really: Friday afternoons signaled the start of relaxation time and leisure. Saturdays were the days for spending time with friends or (just like yesterday) attending family parties. Sundays were different. Because I knew I had school the next morning, Sundays always lacked the carefree vibe that I loved so much about Saturdays. But I'm still on winter break. So why does it matter to me if Sundays are the beginning or the end of each week? Shouldn't I not even care what day it is? 

It matters because as a chemo patient, you really do have to know what day it is and stick to the schedule that the doctors and nurses give you. I'm in the middle of my second cycle, and I've already figured out my internal schedule - almost like clockwork. 

I receive treatments on Tuesday mornings, usually around 8:30 or 9:00. Then at 5:00 on the dot, I start feeling nauseous and dizzy. Too bad I can't take Zofran until 6:00. Damn. Come Wednesday morning, I feel even worse than before. Wednesdays are toast-and-apple days. I'm too sick to do anything, so the whole day just drags on and on. Thursday afternoon eventually rolls around and I'm feeling a little bit better. Thank God, because I'm starting to get sick of drinking Ensure. Before I know it, it's Friday and I'm more or less back to normal. And I want some real food.

This coming week though, I'm off. Tomorrow is just another Monday and I don't have to sit in traffic for half an hour just to get a blood test. I can sleep in on Tuesday morning and all I have to do is drive to the hospital to get my PICC line dressing changed. And the best part? I can eat whatever I want (within reason, of course). If I want to go to Red Robin with my BestFriend and eat a big fat burger with bottomless fries, I can. During my off-week, I don't have to think, "Oh wait. I just had treatment two days ago. Is it okay if I eat this amazing burger now, or am I just going to end up throwing it up anyway?" Guess what? I just ate a BBQ pulled pork sandwich for dinner. And do you want to know how I felt after eating that sandwich? Full. Satisfied. Enthralled, really.

I know this week is going to go by fast. Before I know it, it'll all be over and I'll be sitting in the infusion room again, counting down the hours - no, the minutes until it's toast-and-apples time again. So I'm going to enjoy this week. Lucas and I are planning to go to either Disneyland or Mt. Baldy on Wednesday. Wherever we choose to go, I know we'll have tons of fun. And maybe this week, I can finally see Faustina. (I haven't seen her since my party!) Maybe this week, we can finally go to Red Robin like we've been wanting to. I know it'll go by like a blur, but like I said, this week will be amazing. 

So yeah, it does still suck to have to count down the days until I'm FINALLY done with treatments. And yes, I am still too sad to think of how long it'll be until I can finally eat sushi. (Gosh, you're all going to think all I think about is food! Haha.) But getting through the treatment weeks and learning to really enjoy my off-weeks - those are small victories. Maybe kicking cancer's ass is about winning small victories too. 

After all, even the small victories count.


    Th smallest of all victories DO count. A victory is a victory, regardless of whether the whole world knows you've won, or if it's just you.

    ...and we WILL get Red Robin on Tuesday! I lov you!

  2. Mt. Baldy! Get some fresh air with your boy.

    Oh, luv, you're doing so well! Just know Im here for you.


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