I've already known for a quite a while that life has its ups and downs. That couldn't have been more true about the past few days. As I've mentioned, I had a great 22nd birthday lunch with my mom, dad, grandma, and brother. And later that night, I went over to Lucas' house to celebrate my birthday and an early Valentine's Day.
Now fast forward to yesterday, the end of Cycle 3.2. I am honestly not exaggerating; yesterday was the worst day of my life. Not only did I manage to embarrass myself by throwing up in the infusion center, I also spent about two hours throwing up at home until there was literally nothing left in my stomach. I'm a little better now, but I'm still nauseated and way too tired to do anything.
My point in posting this is not to complain or to try to solicit pity. What I'm actually trying to do is share what I think staying strong really means. I have two friends in my Monday night class who've told me that I have sprezzatura - that somehow, I have a kind of grace that makes living with cancer seem easier than it actually is. Now I wonder, as flattering as that is, is that actually a good thing? Am I doing anyone any favors by pretending that this is easy? Am I really just lying to myself and faking it every single day?
I've thought about these questions, and here's what I came up with: No, I don't think I'm doing any harm in "pretending" this is easy. Frankly, I don't see how I'm pretending or faking at all. This is my life and it is pretty amazing, with its ups and its downs. Besides, let's be honest: What good would it do for me to just mope and complain all the time? I think it's far more inspiring for me stay positive and continue to sparkle, no matter what.
That's what I intend to do.
|[image source: we♥it]|